Our Cut Throat Family and Fantasy Football
My brother and I decided to invite the family to play a little innocent fantasy football. We started a league and set up teams. Normally my family is a pretty tight bunch. We love hard, we play hard. So this should be fun right? Wrong. Well okay It IS fun but we do a lot of trash talking and everyone lives on opposite ends of the globe so our phones are going crazy on Sunday with text messages every time one of our players scores against a family member. Did I mention this is an ALL family league. I mean real family my moms, cousins, siblings, and nieces,and nephews. Who would've ever thought such nice people could turn on you so quickly.... This ladies and gents is where it gets cutthroat. I needed a little space on my roster but i didn't have anyone I wanted to get rid of but I had a running back who was questionable. I put him on waivers thinking I'll be back to get you Monday night. 5 minutes later my mom has this crazy cat that ate canary Norman Bates smile on her face. Which I ignored because it was kind of scary. Ten minutes later she starts asking my brother why would someone put such a good player out there and giggled gleefully. I said in my little kid voice maaaaa that is my player I want him back you can use him this weekend but I was going to get him Monday back. Sproles is still on her team and every week she says I just can't believe you gave him up. Cut throat I'm telling you. I drafted LAST absolute last. Now my dear brother will tell you it is pure coincidence but some how he ended up drafting 2/3 of the players I had last year. Oops sorry sis. Um, well can I have them we can trade. I don't know how to trade sis. Jamaal you are the league commissioner give me my player. I'm telling you these people have issues.
We thought a loving family like ours how could it go wrong? This will be a great way to have fun even though we are miles apart and enjoy football that we have been bonding over our entire lives. I bleed Chicago Bears on Sundays and Maize and Blue on Saturdays. In college I spent Sundays watching the Washington Redskins with My Uncle Charles. Usually I spent my Sundays laughing because the Redskins were losing and Mr. cool would act like it was all in the plan. He did a Jerry Jones and took faith in moral victories with his Redskins 2 decades ago. Having family in Oklahoma and family in D.C. made me despise everything related to the Dallas Cowgirls.
I digress. I'm supposed to be telling you about my cutthroat family who was completely supportive and loving until our fantasy football league started. My brother Mr. graham Crackers and juice is in first place. Somehow my cousin Anthony is in 2nd and after a brutal beating from another cousin 2 weeks ago I've fallen into 3rd place. I know you can't really cheat in fantasy football my brother is our league commissioner and every time he plays my cousin Shawn he beats him by 50 + points. Um Shawn is there something you want to tell us. Clearly you've done something to Jamaal he has no mercy when it comes to you. I felt so bad for my cousin I ALMOST asked the league if we could donate points to him. But I had my own issues to deal with. I benched Ben Roethlisberger 2 weeks in a row and squeaked by with a 2.60 point win over my cousin. I should've been ok with Russell Wilson starting and Big Ben on the bench RIGHT! Wrong Roethlisberger goes out and scores 44 freaking point and acts like he's Peyton Manning are you kidding me? Oh I have gloated and talked big smack. I was in here yelling and praying for Eli until the final seconds ticked off because Lil Man had the Colts defense. We see sawed back and fourth more than the tipsy cups at the state fair. I finally pulled ahead and Andrew Luck took a knee in victory formation... Yippee I won I won oh sorry that was supposed to be my inside typing voice.
My mother who is usually a calm reserved lady is waiting for them to invent snatch TV so she can snatch one of her players ala Woody Hayes right through the TV screen and get him some get right when they are not performing to their ability.
All is fair in love and war and family fantasy football leagues. I guess.
Last year when we started the league we told everyone they were all fighting for fourth place behind us. That is exactly how it went down. My brother, me, and mom 1. 2. and 3. This year we didn't issue any guarantees because babeee this folks mean business.
It's Friday sand I have a little plotting to do and a lot of coaching so I can beat my cousin this weekend. Until next time... huddle up. Peace Love and Style.
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