Hot Sheets 4th Favorite Post of 2013
So you can't seem to keep you husband from cheating on you and that's another woman's fault how? Did she stand there next to you and vow to be faithful to you for the rest of your life? Then why are you making yourself look stupid by calling her and raising hell in the middle night? My granddaddy told me something I will never forget. Never let another woman know that she has you beat. If you calling her about your raggedy ass man being in her bed she already has you beat. The best hand you can play at that point in the game is cut him lose and let her see how sorry that trophy she's been working so hard for is .You think every woman who sees him is dying to be with him. Girl we are all wondering when the hell you are going to act like U-Haul and Samsonite and pack the hell up. We don't want him. We don't even want him sitting on our furniture when ya'll come to visit. We're scared something nasty he picked at his side piece's house might fall off on our good furniture. So you know we don't want him in our bed. Girl he is safe as Rosemary's Baby at the gates of hell around us. Please don't start blowing up my phone about your sorry husband. He's been sorry for the 18 years you've been married so if the condom fits let him wear it.
I don't mean to be blunt but, if you have to call around looking for YOUR MAN, HE'S NOT YOUR MAN. It's sad when the wife becomes the side dish and is still hanging on like she thinks she's the porterhouse steak. I know where my man is just about every minute of the day. Am I clocking him? Nope sure not. Don't need to. Has anyone ever called my phone telling me she was his mashed potatoes to my entree. HELL NO. The Nickster don't get down like that. I will never be one of those women who says he would never ever cheat one me. I will say this what ever he does, if he does it, has never come back home and never will. The probability of Nick cheating on me is slightly higher than Barack cheating on Michelle Obama. "Ain't nobody got time for that" But ladies if he was I promise you I would not be calling you telling you what you better not be doing with my man. If you putting it down like that he must be your man so take him. I don't do leftovers and definitely not sloppy seconds that business will have you pushing up daisies now days. I don't even like soup, especially the alphabet kind HIV, STDs, HEP A, HEP B, HEP C, AIDS Not to mention the stuff you can catch that alphabet soup son't cover.
I'm so tired of listening to my friends who have joint custody arrangements with their husbands and his mistress. Girl the side piece isn't crazy it's you. You walking around talking about what you going to do to her if you find her. What about when you find him? He comes home sometimes right? I mean he is the one who is definitely aware of his marital status not her. So why aren't you checking him? These fools don't even get mad at their spouse. I'm so sick of this nonsense I'm putting all the business in the street tonight. Waking me up at 3:30 AM talking about can I go ride with you to find your man. Eye roll real fast. Let me say this real slow No, hell no, have you lost your rabbit azz mind? Did I say No? Sit your crazy behind down. If you have had 4 STDs in less than 18 months because your husband is blind and can't seem to tell your female parts from someone else's honey you need a good divorce lawyer not a friend. My name is not Thelma and I'm not going on a search a rescue for your man. Let that fool go. Do like Bernadette in Waiting to Exhale and burn it up . I'm sorry I'm packing my shoulders up they will not be here for you to lean on anymore.. I can't do it. I'm so sick of people emailing, calling, and texting me asking me how do I stop Nick from cheating. Do I look like Steve Harvey to you? Girl a man will cheat until he finds the one woman he's more afraid of living without than losing. A man is not going to risk the woman he's been looking for his whole life for just to get a microwave pizza.
Besides, I do have standards. My mama taught me well. She told me to respect myself. Never settle. Have I spent a little time alone? Yes, Sometimes but better to be alone and happy then with a man and still be alone and miserable. I hate to keep repeating myself , but ain't nobody got time for that. Ok I promise I won't mention the queen anymore this week. Lol you know I'm fibbing right?
Steve Harvey broke it down for you also. Not all men are dogs, but if you give him a leash what the heck do you think is going to happen? He is not going to start jumping rope. One other thing Steve said that I believe. There is at least one woman out there for every man who will make him WANT to be faithful. That is the key. If he thinks he can keep you without being faithful why close the candy store. If you stay with a man and give him the impression he can cheat, he will cheat. If you cheat with a man, he will cheat on you. You think you are some how special? Oh I know his wife is a bitch. She's absolutely horrible. Guess what sugar plum when he is with the next one he'll be saying the same about you. If you marry him and he cheated the whole time you were dating guess what Blues Clues he's going to be sleeping with the maid on the honey moon. Wedding bands don't prevent men from unzipping their pants and getting busy.
I have to say that now days there is also a lot of down low business going on. Rumor has it if you are moving to Atlanta you might want ot bring your straight man with you. :-) so I'll leave you with this last blues song. The first time I heard it I was riding in my Uncle Charles car on my way to North Carolina. A freshmaen in college I wasn't ready for this. I2 decades later I'm still not sure I'm ready for this. It still floors me. This song is why I listen to blues to this day. I always had a contigency plan for a woman but never for Bill until Peggy Scott came along. Ladies if you're man is cheating you may be worried about Jill but he may be creeping with Bill. Watch out Der Now. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfvqUiuIIq4 Peggy Scott Bill.
Ladies if the other side of the bed is cold resist the urge to call anyone other than a locksmith and u-haul.
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